Marriage is a lifelong commitment and a partnership of life. A marriage of love is surely beautiful, but compatibility, honesty and communication are the essential keys to a successful engagement. Furthermore, married life is not all love and happiness, and couples should prepare for the obstacles that they will be forced to face. In this article we walk you through the key questions to discuss before you bond with your lifelong partner.
1. “How are we going to combine finances?”
Living together necessarily means combining and sharing possessions. Finances are therefore an essential issue to discuss before sharing a life together. The ideal would be to have a shared account where the two can deposit their contributions for their monthly needs. Savings should also be discussed according to what each earns, how and when to use them.
2. “What is your exact debt?”
Most people prefer knowing everything about their other half’s engagements and obligations. So debt is an imperative subject to discuss with your future partner, to avoid any unpleasant surprises, the feeling of being betrayed or any misunderstanding that could demolish the trust you have built in your couple.
3. “How are we saving for our retirement?”
Planning a life together means eventually getting old together. It is therefore necessary to establish and discuss retirement plans to deal with the unforeseen events of life.
4. “Do you plan to have kids?”
Children can be a source of joy and fulfillment to many people. However, some may not want to have any. It is indeed a personal choice but it affects your life partner. It is necessary to discuss the desire of having kids before getting engaged to the person that you love, and even the eventualities of having children with disabilities or with health problems. It is also important to talk about what you plan for the future of your children and what you plan to teach them.
5. “What will you do if we’re unable to have kids?”
There is always the possibility of not being able to have children. Infertility or other health problems can keep you from realizing your wish of building your own family. It is always necessary to talk about it and consider a plan B, which could be adoption, surrogate mothers or even the possibility of getting separated!
6. “How will we split our chores?”
Sharing a life together includes everyday’s tasks. Chores may seem futile, but they can really be a cause of disputes between spouses. Everyday routine can be very exhausting, overwhelming and causes many problems daily. It would be better to discuss this, agree to share the tasks and help each other for a peaceful and serene life.
7. “What do you consider cheating?
Each of us may have a different definition for the same concepts. Betrayal is a very delicate subject for couples, and the outlook can vary greatly from one person to another. Some consider it a betrayal to have feelings for someone else; while others believe that a mere look is considered cheating. It is therefore very necessary to discuss this before committing to avoid any misunderstanding and to preserve the trust built in a couple.
8. “What are your dreams and future plans?”
This is a very important question which allows you to have a prior insight into your future life together. Obviously, everyone has their dreams, plans and hopes for the future. Some have great ambitions and want to conquer; others only want a stable, serene life without any surprises. Teaming up does not mean giving up what we always dream of, but we must find a compromise for a common understanding.
9. “What are your deal breakers?”
People can have very diverse natures and habits. Sharing the same household, the same environment may seem easy to you, but the dissimilarity in habits can perturb your life as a couple. It’s essential to talk about this to try to strike a balance of tastes and preferences for an environment that is comfortable for both of you.
10. “How do you plan to care / provide for your parents?”
Our parents’ love is unconditional; they give us everything and sacrifice their own happiness for ours. But over time, they get older, can get sick and become impotent. They ultimately need to be taken care of. Our commitment with a loved one is not going to negate our duty towards our parents, so this is one of the things to discuss before getting married.
11. “What’s your health and mental health history?”
Getting married means sharing intimacy, and genetic material! Being in good health is essential for the happiness of both sides. It is essential to discuss the mental and physical history of each partner as well as their state of health to ensure their well-being as well as that of their children.
12. “Where do you want to live?”
Many neglect to discuss this point even though it’s extremely important. A home is a shelter, a station of rest and serenity, but tastes differ when it comes to couples! Some prefer quiet lives in the countryside, others like cities. Some want to share a life with friends and families, others only want their partner in their life. Talking about this point is necessary to avoid any conflict and ensure a life of shared pleasure.
13. “How much time do you want to spend together?”
Obviously, married people live together, but are not going to be around each other all the time. Everyone has their needs of space or time. Even when it comes to activities, they vary from person to person. Some prefer to spend so much time on their own; others require a lot of attention and shared time. You definitely have to discuss that to be aware of each other’s pace, so that both are satisfied and fulfilled.
14. “What are your expectations for our social lives?”
Social life can have a huge impact on a couple. Depending on whether or not they like to attend social events, but also their surroundings and sociability. Their different preferences can influence the time they spend together. So you have to agree on how often and how many events to attend, and organize the activities you wish to share.
- And you, what do you see as a crucial question to discuss before tying the knot? Are there other topics you need to talk about before you bond for life with the love of your life?